Recently, I’ve found myself indulged more into self-realization and discoveries. Although, what I found is of no real importance to anyone else. No matter how hard I try, drawing the arc in my favor seems to be impossible.
When I left home the other day (I live away from my home due to my academic study), I promised myself that I’d try and be more enduring, engaging and patient. That I’d deal with all the off-days no matter how frequent they may come. It hasn’t even been a week and I feel suffocated here.
I can’t say it’s due to me or my snowflake-ism. I’d say I tried. And I tried hard. I walked out of my skin to keep things together. I wanted people to listen by listening to them first. I tried to mix and adapt the way they wanted me to.
And I was at the wrong. People are still that normative and primitive about holding onto a past. They are reluctant to foreign feelings and ideas. They can’t walk with you. They won’t unless they have justified their conceptions about you to themselves.
Worst part is that it doesn’t concern you. People are gonna keep thinking about you the way they’ve been thinking all this time. You can rarely change that. It’s not up to you. You can’t shape people in your own image because they don’t have that objective standpoint you represent. Disappointingly, they will even proliferate those ideas- actively within the circle.
So, solitude is the only way- again. I feel I tried to get out of the bubble but they are pushing me back inside with their own characters. I don’t enjoy them. They are terrible at their cooperation. They’re phony and toxic. If I were left alone at this point, I would consider myself relieved of the pressure of coping with their shit.
Anyways, it was bound to be. I distanced myself from the One I should’ve neared to, to the ones that disappoint me.
I deserve every bit of the pain I’m being inflicted.
An Escapist 