I’m not exactly done with what I have been clinging on to for so long– as my only support at nights now. They keep me company while the tigers sleep knowing they got a whole damn dynasty to look after. And unfortunately I’m one of the family. So long have I wanted to puff them all out- but in what authority? And with what credit?
My dreams have kept me floating still. And they don’t even recognize me. I die in them but if anything, that has just taught me to believe and confide in my own silhouette. My colors may be fading away but they flare up the brightest in the darkest of my dreams. Trust me, I’m happy. I’m happy when no one sees me and when I’m not even aware of the feeling myself. It’s after the fact that leads me to reminisce even harder.
I smile when you don’t see me. I keep smiling cause you’re smiling too. I feel the warmth, not from the furs that are so obviously coded to let me breathe fine and safe, but from the sweat you drop off. The sense of your presence gets me hooked to the fish you’ll be serving shortly. The smell of your body is what I so surely sleep on. You have made me feel alive! More than anything, ever. I had my doubts and I still chose the wrong turn. I found a place that I considered to be the middle ground but deep inside, never believed to be so. All for you.
And then I got betrayed over. You chose to ignore the blackened eye I’ve discovered. You decided I should just give up on you; letting you know how arrogant I am. But I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction. You know that, don’t you? I needed the hand but you slipped in the note- thinking I’ll be glad and laughing. I’m not in need, I’m in distress. And all I needed was probably a sweet smile extending into a hearty hug or a sloppy cuddle. I wanted the annoyance you’d cause me as I was the unwanted one coming into your house in the first place. But that’d comfort me because it’d let me know how I was still in debate, up for prize taking. And that’s just settling on the least admiration for myself.
I grew up plotting with imaginary cattles and spirits. So, you’re not at fault at all. I have vowed to make it rain on me until I got soaked into the void. I wanna deep-dive into the tank I have, locked-in since when I started whirlwinding like this. And that will tell. The stories will be written. And my paws will be mapped right on the front page. The pads you liked will just be a memory by then, with a shadow guiding you through my weirdest feelings at night.
I live in this cat, but my soul is elsewhere. I have now paralleled the two of us. So, cheers!
An Escapist 